To navigate intimate relationships, it is fundamental to understand the distinction between the various forces that unite you with your partner. Many people are not clear on the differences between Lust, Romantic Emotion and Love. Here we attempt to clarify some of the most common confusions, so that when True Love arrives you can easily recognize it:
1. Lust or Sexual Desire
Also known as sexual drive or libido, lust is a biological urge. It is instinctive and since it originates from the autonomous nervous system it is automatic. This is a function of the Reptilian Brain (Brain Stem & Cerebellum) where your most instinctual behaviours are generated.
Although it is not socially accepted, it is in our natural makeup to have sexual desire for various people. It is nevertheless a healthy self control not to act from this impulse every time it triggers us.
You can recognize lust by your sexual longing and fire you feel towards someone you meet, and most often it is an immediate recognition because of the alchemical communication between two people. Mostly, lust starts to vanish in long term couples, and there is a need to maintain it to keep the relationship healthy and well-rounded. How can you maintain this desire? Ultimately, keeping your sexual energy in your body is the most potent way. Also, time and space apart from your partner helps to cultivate the desire when you reunite.
From person to person there is a great variance in the general amount of sexual desire on a daily basis, ranging from weak to excessive. Someone with a weak sexual desire can strengthen their level of sexual interest by giving attention to their 1st and 2nd chakra, to increase vitality and sexual imagination. There are meditations, exercises, foods and herbs to strengthen these chakras. First and foremost, we recommend connecting your root to the ground. Walk barefoot. Sit in the grass. Lay on the Earth.
Someone who experiences excessive lust can regulate this feeling through visualising the energy moving from their pelvis up the spine towards the crown of the head.
2. Romantic Emotion or Sexual Wish
This is what most people call Love. This “romantic love” is a feeling or emotion coming from the Mammal Brain (Limbic system) that gives birth to emotional attachment, romantic obsessive behaviour and passion. As with any emotion, romantic love is short lived and needs constant stimulation to maintain the attraction.
Contrary to lust, it is not a good habit to contain or repress this feeling. It should be dealt with and acknowledged, although this does not mean it should be acted upon. Understanding and owning our emotions can be complex, but it is vital to healthy relationships.
Sexual wish is very short lived and requires a lot of energy to be maintained. Emotions (like other hormonal reactions) do not live more than a few minutes in our body unless they are encouraged by another part of our mind. This other part of our mind can “feed” the story we tell ourselves. We can observe the way we create and influence reality to stimulate and sustain the emotions we like and block the ones we don’t.
Emotional attraction remains at its height when partners practice continual appreciation and gratitude for one another. Partnership goes wrong when over time the couple takes each other for granted. Another way to ensure emotional attraction remains strong is to maintain emotional connections beyond the intimate relationship. Partnership moves towards codependence without these outside emotional connections to maintain balance and individuality.
If you feel like your relationship is lacking that romantic spark, start by giving it. There are many ways to increase the spontaneity, presence and play in your relationship, such as feeding each other, bathing each other, dancing together, quality time together in deep connection, laughing together, creating or building something together that you both enjoy.
Excessive Romantic Emotion is romantic obsession and this is regulated by a specific exercise regiment and meditation.
3. Love or Sexual Motivation
This is True Love or Unconditional Love. At this level Love is not an emotion any longer but a decision. It is conducted with awareness and discernment. At this level the force of Love comes from the Human Brain (the Neo Cortex). Being a decision, it is life long if no correcting decision is made, thus providing security, trust and harmony. This is the Love of platonic relationships, yet it lacks the fire and the passion of the previous levels.
To cultivate Love at this level we use commitment, a form of decision made in the face of higher spiritual authority that will keep the partners accountable for their engagement. By this we do not mean that a commitment or a decision cannot be changed, yet at this level the relationship is brought together to pursue a higher purpose: growth and evolution of the partners, hence revoking the decision can only happen when evolution of one or both of the partners has stopped.
To cultivate this True Love we must work in our 3rd and 4th chakras. Attending to the 3rd chakra, located around the navel, increases the value of commitments. Our heart is at the level of our 4th chakra, and this work helps us increase the value of service to others. In addition, as we purify and tone our heart chakra, basic lust and desire are transcended into pure love.
Use the 3 levels of Attraction for your Best Relationship Ever
The most successful relationships cultivate all three levels of attraction. Russian spiritual leader and occultist George Ivanovich Gurdjieff (1877 - 1949) called this the 3 levels of the human being: Vital-Sexual, Emotional-Affective and Spiritual-Mental. Gurdjieff believed that to establish a durable relationship, it must first be established at the vital-sexual level. From the energy created at this level it is possible to establish the emotional and spiritual level.
In our trainings we revisit these age old rules and learn how to put all three levels at the service of the relationship. Our 4-week online course, 4 Secrets to Radiant Loving, begins January 6. Enrollment is now open, click here to join. Through the course material, you’ll learn more ways to build harmonious relationships, including managing emotions and cultivating long lasting sexual desire. If you are ready to have even more success in your intimate relationships, enroll in the 4 Secrets to Radiant Loving online course to kickstart 2016 with a blast of Radiant Love Intelligence! How committed are you to creating the life and love you deserve?
We welcome your comments and questions in the section below. If you enjoyed this article, please share with your loved ones!